My head is going left and right. Idek what to think. When he came over yesterday I felt like it was too good to be true. I tried having my guard up and not to do anything that’ll make me more confused then I am. But as soon as he walked into my house there were so much butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Him just holding me felt so warm and I didn’t want to let go. The whole time he was at my house I kept having so many thoughts going through my mind. I was pretty much out of it. When he kissed me my body started tingling I know it sounds corny but it did happen. I felt happy that it felt the same as before but I was sad that I realized it’s not the same. We’re only friends, nothing more.. I had this angel devil thing talking in my head when me and him were kissing. It was telling me to just let things happen but then again I knew I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be doing this because what is this going to leave us? You left me, how do I know you won’t again? How would I know you aren’t going to fuck me over.. I honestly can’t trust you but then again I have some trust for you. I trust you as a friend, as someone to talk to when I need it, but can u really be committed? When we were in my room we did something that I thought I would never do and my heart kept pounding and my body was shaking. It felt like my first time and idk what happened, he said all this stuff but did he mean it? After he left I was just standing in front of the mirror trembling. I don’t even know where we stand everything is just going so quickly and I can’t process this in my head. Idk what to do I’m so confused. I know that I want to be with him BUT only if he works for it and shows me that I can trust him. I really don’t want to go through another “break up” again. He doesn’t even understand how this whole thing is for me because he wasn’t the one hurt and he wasn’t the one who had to go through this emotional state of mind for months. He doesn’t know how hard this is for me. But I’m glad he’s here and I’m glad that we’re giving us a chance again.